Something Old, Something New

The union of two lovers has understandably been steeped in tradition for centuries. Over time, some wonderful and interesting customs have sprung up around this important rite of passage.

One of the nicest may be the tradition of the bride's gathering "something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.


" These four items each represent a special symbol, and the very act of carrying on this tradition provides a real connection with past and future brides and the people close to them at the time of the wedding.

The meaning of the item for "something old" has to do with the bride's heritage. Usually, a treasured family heirloom will be chosen, often a piece of jewelry.

Almost anything can be designated as "something new," including the bride's wedding dress. But to make it meaningful, many mothers or fathers give their marrying daughters a new piece of jewelry or another special gift, such as a brand-new Bible in which to record the family's names.

The significance of the "something borrowed" is usually interpreted to symbolize the support the bride can count on in her new life from her family. A very nice borrowed token can be as simple as a pair of lace gloves, worn by the bride's own grandmother at her wedding, especially if that lady was happily-married.

For "something blue," the hands-down favorite choice of most brides is still a blue garter or a pretty blue ribbon tied around her thigh and hidden under her wedding dress.

There is another part to the old rhyme, which is fast becoming history these days:

"And a silver sixpence in her shoe."

The sixpence symbolizes good fortune with money and a prosperous life together. One could substitute a penny.

This wonderful four-part "something" wedding tradition is often a last-minute scramble, which—far from diluting the significance of the wedding ritual—only adds to the fun and provides a lighthearted way to deal with the high emotion of the moment.

We're of the opinion that every little bit of luck helps, and it certainly couldn't hurt!

Seven Marriage Spice Ups

Ask the Marriage Maven: Seven Marriage Spice Ups

Q. My marriage is getting pretty dull. My husband and I are going through a low point where everything seems to be pretty boring. What are some things that we can do to spice up our marriage?

D.M.

A. First of all know that every marriage goes through it's high and low points. You guys are just in a natural part of the cycle. With that said, here are a few suggestions to make your marriage a little more interesting.

1) Stop complaining about the state of your union. Create an action plan for change and write it down. It’s okay if you’re the only one willing to spice things up at first. In time you’ll find that your spouse will be receptive to the changes you’ve made, especially if you don’t point out your changes or nag your spouse about changing.

2) I can’t say it enough, turn off the T.V. at least 30-45 minutes a day and spend time with each other. No distractions.

3) Date each other as if you weren’t married. Dress up, wear make up, cologne/perfume. Recreate your early years. Meet each other on site and pretend as though you’re meeting for the first time—or have your partner pick you up from work or home. The whole idea is to go all out.

4) Do nice things for each other. Completing chores around the house that your spouse hates doing is a great place to start.

5) Make a point to have a “second” honeymoon at least once a year. Any time from three days to two weeks is good. Even if you can’t get away, you can make a paradise at home. Make work take a back seat, and get someone to watch the kids (and even your pets). The point is to spend your focus on each other for a few days.

6) Live each day as though it were your last. Make sure you say the things you want to say to your spouse today and do the things you want to do for your spouse today. Don’t hold back a good word or a good deed when you know it can do a wonder for your relationship.

7) Take care of yourself. This tip is probably the most important. Make sure that your spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical batteries are charged. If you need to spend some time doing a hobby, visiting with some friends, or pampering yourself, do it! So long as your “me” time is in moderation, you’ll feel a lot healthier, and your relationship will reflect it.

Before You Say I Do

One out of every two marriages ends in divorce. Millions of Americans are filing for divorce.  As the divorce rate continues to escalate in America, dating relationships are becoming more popular.

Social scientists have led us in the wrong direction, as they embrace incorrect solutions to a momentous problem. They are sending forth a message that is misleading pertaining to dating relationships. This message by social scientists will continue to mislead individuals who sincerely want to establish healthy dating relationships, with the hope of embracing an everlasting marriage.  In this article, we will explore the truth behind the soaring divorce rate. In our search for a remedy, we are spending billions of dollars annually chasing illusionary solutions.

In the previous article, “The Art of Selection”, we explored how the selection process is retarded when selecting our dating partners.  One’s selfish soul perverts the meaning of dating that may lead to marriage by focusing on imagination and desires.  Take a step further; let us look at imaginary pleasures and security. Trapped in the fairy tale syndrome, we pursue dating and love relationships in an effort to receive immediate and future gratification from our dating partners. The selfish soul commits acts that weaken the foundation of a healthy relationship from the very start.  The potential dating partner commits blameworthy acts to make a good impression. He/she gives a misleading representation of oneself, being overly kind, spending extravagantly, being conscious of one’s physical appearance, always appearing truthful, having late night telephone marathons, and displaying a disposition of caring and commonality of interests are commonplace when painting a handsome picture of deception. In one’s effort to insure the acquisition of his/her desires, he/she resorts to deception to consummate personal relationships that eventually end in disaster. This activity is the beginning of the breakdown in the marriage union before a potential marriage couple says, “I do”.

Before marriage and during the courtship, the relationship seems magical. Every day is a heartwarming experience. It feels so surreal and no one likes to be aroused from a dream. This state of elation takes total control of us, blocking out any semblance of rational thought. Helplessly hypnotized, we become a servant to an oppressive master, our own desires. We absorb this form of deception similar to a sponge that absorbs water that eventually transforms into tears.

Allowing our desires to be the criteria to make decisions exposes us to the most destructive form of a relationship.  It becomes impossible to be fair, just, equitable, impartial, unprejudiced, unbiased, objective or dispassionate with others or ourselves. If the family structure is the foundation of society, then we must rethink our strategy when approaching a serious relationship.

As the dawn of reality rushes in and the dusk of deception slowly fades away, reflecting the light of reason, it becomes apparent we are in an undesirable dating relationship.  It is no surprise that our mate’s disposition changes. He/she goes from being overly kind to being overly aggressive, mentally and physically. Sexual passion dissipates, extravagant spending dissolves, the truth becomes lies, commonality of interest changes to two strangers passing by one another in the night, and the list of deceptions continues to unfold.

Safety In Chat Rooms

Chat rooms are all the rage on the world wide web. They offer web surfers with a way to connect with people who share a similar hobby or interest, discuss careers and advice, etc. But, chat rooms are also commonly used for other purposes and this includes online dating. If participated in using common sense, chat rooms can be a lot of fun. But, there are several ways to ensure that your chat room experience is not one to regret.

When talking with individuals in chat rooms, never give out your home telephone number. Why? Because individuals can use your telephone number in a reverse lookup and gain your mailing address, thereby finding out where you live.

Do not give out your home address in online chat rooms. This is a recipe for disaster and the reason is because you do not know who is in the chat room or who is watching and you do not want perfect strangers to know where you live.

Never announce your daily schedule in chat rooms. Not that anyone would knowingly do this, in part because it makes no sense, but users must be careful of how they answer certain questions. If you are a college student and mention a specific class, someone could ask what college you attend and ask what time your class is later on in the conversation. Without even realizing it, you have told a room full of strangers where you will be and what time you will be there. For obvious reasons, this is probably not the best idea.

A lot of people do this, but caution should be given when sending a photograph to anyone in chat rooms. Everyone likes to have a face to go with the name of their new friend, which is understandable, but try to avoid sending a picture to everyone and anyone that you meet in chat rooms.

As a final thought for safety in chat rooms, common sense will get your through the process safely. The internet is a wonderful way to meet new friends and can provide an outlet for people to find comfort in the shoulder of a stranger, but there are important rules to follow when using chat rooms. If the topics become extreme or the conversation turns strange in any way, sign out and ignore the individual with whom you were just talking. Using chat rooms as a hobby can be a lot of fun, but never allow it to become your entire social circle.

Marriage Exciting

The buildup to the wedding is so exciting; making arrangements, laying out a plan for your future lives together.  But after the honeymoon ends, life begins.  And while you may have the most wonderful marriage, even the most devoted couple is certain to find the married lifestyle to be at times, well let’s say, less than exciting.  I mean let’s face it, you love the other person, but spending all day with the same individual makes for a lot of routine activities, that if you are not careful can drag on your relationship and make you both feel unsatisfied with what is otherwise a very loving relationship.


As a result, it is vital that couples not simply sit back in the belief that a marriage will remain exciting merely on its own momentum. Rather, it is important that spouses take some basic steps to infuse their relationships with a bit of excitement.


1. Have Independent Interests

You cannot have anything interesting to say if you spend every waking moment doing and experiencing the same things.  Having independent interests is not a sign of a weak marriage, as some newlyweds believe, but rather a sign of its strength.  Having independent interests means that you have something unique to bring to conversations, ensuring that you both always have something interesting, and yes exciting, to say to one another.


2. Spontaneous Events

While you were dating, planning the spontaneous event seemed rather innate.  But, as we grow comfortable in our relationships and more busy by life’s obligations, we have a tendency to rely upon the strength of our relationships and in so doing fail to keep things spontaneous.  So to mix things up; plan an afternoon or evening event that is completely new.  Try that show your spouse has been dying to see, or visit that new restaurant that just opened up.


3. Never threaten separation

This is less a rule to keep things exciting, and more one to keep them sound.  A relationship can only grow and remain exciting if both parties are confident in their commitment to one another.  As a consequence, make it a rule between you and your partner that you never threaten separation or divorce.  Establish an understanding that if you threaten separation, you should be heading out the door to back it up.  It is a harsh rule, but one that needs imposition if your relationship is to survive the ups and downs which are a part of all marriages.


4. Weekend Trips

One sure-fire way to inject some romance into your marriage is to take a vacation with just the two of you.  But with the rigors of life and the costs of a trip, a full-blown vacation can seem hard to justify.  So instead opt for a one night local vacation. Plan a dinner and evening out, and cap it off with a night in a hotel.  The expense isn’t a lot considering the excitement that a trip, no matter how small, can bring into a relationship.


5. Spice up the bedroom

The final tip to bring excitement into any relationship is to spice things up in the bedroom.  Your sex life has a strong correlation with the strength and satisfaction of your relationship.  So try exploring a new position or even a sexual fantasy or adult toy with your partner, and in so doing share something intimate and bring some excitement into your marriage.

Secret Of A Happy Marriage

Never ever fight!

Disagreements can sometimes be healthy in a relationship if done once in a while. Never allow fighting to eat away your relationship. In fighting, both parties lose the fight. No one ever wins.

Fighting can be damaging. It involves emotions. When emotions get involved, you may say harmful things that you really dont mean to say, and unfortunately whats done can never be taken back.

As much as possible, avoid getting into a heated argument. A fight can easily damage a marital relationship. The fight may start over an unimportant matter and before you both know it, it soon escalates into an exchange of offensive words.

Always remember the Law of Harvest. Dont continue to sow seeds of you always or you never into your relationship so that you will not reap it. Whatever you focus on and hear over and over again becomes a reality.

Avoid using the following words:

You did it again!
When will you learn?
I cant believe this. I married someone whos not capable of doing things right.
This is such a mess!

Don´t pull out the big gun when argument progresses and emotions rise to the surface for the sake of winning. Don´t try to bring in the past. Let bygones be bygones forever. Stay out of it. Leave it where it belongs. Bringing up the past in an argument can add fuel to the fire. Focus only on the present situation no matter how difficult it is.

In a fight no one really wins because both parties lose the game. This affects closeness of the husband and wife. Gaps arise because of the fight. Your spouse will feel awkward when you are around after the fight. Fighting is really immature regardless of how old you are or how long you have been married. It is only natural for children but not for adults.

Treat your spouse the treatment he or she deserves. Be careful with the words that you use.

Can You Save Your Marriage?

How to save your marriage is not exactly the same for one person as it is the next. It's true that in most cases a marriage can be improved with a few simple steps, but the amount of improvement varies from marriage to marriage-check out these tips to help get your back on track...

How To Save Your Marriage 1
You need to get the communication back. Communication is usually one of the first things that dries up in a problematic marriage, and that in itself leads to a lot of other problems. To help you both communicate more effectively set aside a certain amount of time each day to share with each other. During that time, talk over your days and ask questions of each other. Find out what it is that made you want to communicate with each other to begin with. After a few days of doing this you should find your communication skills are beginning to come back for each other.

How To Save Your Marriage 2
Spend some quality time together. It's a little bit of a cliché, but a nice trip or a few days spent outside your usual relationship area can do wonders for you both. Even better, if you can make trips or activities like this a habit, as it will help you learn how to interact with each other in a fun and loving fashion again. These days it's all too easy to let our communications boil down to the bear minimum, so try not to let this happen.

How To Save Your Marriage 3
Brush up on your listening skills. Sometimes when you get to know someone so well, it's almost as if you feel you no longer need to engage them or listen to them in conversation. If you can become a better listener you can prove to your partner that you are engaged in their life and that you respect their opinions. Is there anyone that doesn't want that? Simply by starting and actively participating in conversations with them you will be strengthening your bond, and you'll notice your partner is more interested in you too.

How To Save Your Marriage 4
Don't let the finance ruin the romance. Life can be very tough when money is an issue in a marriage. Financial problems are often ongoing and unlikely to be solved in short order, so it's a great idea to develop a set of rules for you both. If you both abide to a pre-conceived idea about how you will take care of the finances, the problems and arguments should be minimized.

How To Save Your Marriage 5
Make it fun. A marriage should be in place due to the amount of fun you have had with each other at some point. If you've removed the fun and replaced it with the mundanity of everyday life, how can you possibly expect the marriage to survive? It's an excellent idea to have some activities or hobbies to get involved with together-these can very easily become “your” way to spend time and have fun with each other.

As you've seen, the answer to the question “how to save a marriage?” varies widely from relationship to relationship, but hopefully you will find something of use in this article. Check out the links below for some great marriage advice.

Keep Your Marriage Healthy

Advice for a good marriage can in some cases seem a little obvious, but in a lot of cases it can seem like just the advice you need.

When you are involved in a long term relationship, sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees, and it takes only the most basic advice for us to see what is wrong. Check this article out for more information.

Advice for a good marriage 1

The best piece of advice is to be honest with yourself about when it is and isn't working. If you kid yourself that everything is fine when it isn't, things are hardly likely to get better-in fact you will usually notice things getting steadily worse. The sooner you spot and admit to problems, the sooner you can move past them. Half the work is done as soon as you admit something is wrong, so don't be afraid.

Advice for a good marriage 2

Learn to communicate effectively. Too often relationships degenerate into accusations and fighting as the default method of interaction. Can you honestly hope for things to last if that's how you both behave? If you have something under your skin, sit down and talk it out. Talking about things sensibly rarely makes things worse-unlike accusations and arguing!

Advice for a good marriage 3

Understand that you can't fix the problems in your marriage solely fixing your partner's behaviour. A marriage is exactly that-the joining of two people-so it's not healthy to make one person do all the changing and adapting.

This will not lead to a healthy relationship. It's much better to sit and talk it out and then work out how you can both make things better for each other. It's also a lot easier this way, as each of you will usually only need to make small adjustments to keep the other happy.

Advice for a good marriage 4

Learn the difference between being in love and falling in love. When you fall in love, the person can do no wrong and people are able to behave in ways that their partner may not necessarily agree with in a normal state of mind.

That's why it can take work to stay in love-the love is still there, but you can't expect to act however you please and for it to still be there. Love is like a fire, it sometimes needs to be tended to make sure it still burns.

Advice for a good marriage 5

Understand the principles of marriage karma-you get what you give, so if you go the extra yard for your partner and prove yourself to be kind, caring and considerate, the chances are they will act a lot more like that toward you too. Think about when you see couples that are really in love-it's rarely just one of them doing the kind things is it?

Hopefully this advice for a good marriage will help you out. Check out the links below for some great information on fixing your marriage for good.

How to Meet that Special Someone

Chances are unless you are very lucky you will go thru many different relationships before you find your special someone. Finding your sole mate is like gambling. In poker and blackjack you may have to play dozens of hands until you get a winning hand, and it is the same with relationships.

During your life you will probably meet some people who seem like they may be the one, or that they are close, but still have the feeling that something else is missing. My advice is that if you are not happy, because something seems like it is missing, then it usually is not right.

Before I found my special someone, I was in a relationship for over 10 years, and I thought everything was great, until I started to seriously consider getting married. Then I noticed that we had so little in common and in reality wanted so many different things out of life and one day we both realized there was much about each of us that we both wanted from someone, but it was not us that we wanted.

Then one day I decided I had enough of trying to go to clubs and bars to meet people. I was sick and tired of trying to find someone in the time it takes to finish a drink. It always seemed the ladies I would meet were all wrong for me, or they seemed great after talking to them for 5 minutes but they seemed to have no interest in me.

Then one day I had an idea, it was not an original idea but I decided to use the internet to try to find the right person for me. So I proceeded to make a myspace profile. On this page I tried to put the real me and not the funny guy trying to be charming that was looking for love at the bar.

And as I would at the poker rooms I went all in, I poured my heart and sole into this. I wrote what I wanted and wrote down who I truly think I am and not who I want to be, and I was rewarded by 1 email responding to my site.

It was amazing; the response I got was like a dream. Imagine you are sitting in a Las Vegas casino playing poker. You are down to your last few dollars, you go all in and you wind up being dealt a Royal Flush, and suddenly the sky is bluer, the grass is greener, and all your worries seem to just fade away.

At first things were a little awkward for the both of us. We decided to hold of on actually meeting until we got to know each other first. We spent a month just talking everyday on the internet. You can really open up to someone and show them the real you and not have to worry about rejection on the internet, after all you are just a faceless ghost, and if things don’t work out you could be sitting next to her on the bus one day without ever knowing it.

The key to finding happiness is realizing you are going to bust more then you are going to get blackjack, but you must keep trying, trying to remember you only need to find the real thing once.